DoubleP Speaks (well, types)

Here I am to...

2006-07-07T12:37:00.000-04:00

I am at the Youth Gathering with some of my youth group and San Antonio is actually pretty damn wonderful. It is hot, but not that hot. It is muggy, but not that muggy. But most of all, it is a wonderful experience.

I have seen things that boggle my mind, such as so many nice Lutheran kids. Very little attitude and low sarcasm. They are nice to each other, they talk to each other and they are wanting to know each other. The theology of the speakers and presenters has been what I would call OUTSTANDING!! I was scared at first but realize that they know what they are doing. The music has been so-so, but I am an old fart when it comes to Christian "music" Peter Mayer has been outstanding, but then again, he always is.

I have been suffering from a cold so my thoughts and emotions dont seem to connect well right now, and I am in the Adult Center where we can go to get away from all the kids, but overall things have been really good. The best part for me is seeing friends from long ago (well, about two years, give or take) and feeling like I am not alone in the world of pastoring.

Random thoughts before I join the hoard of kids again:
Coffee is pricy down here
There are no organizations for GLBT down here so I chose a bag that has rainbows on it
There are no word alone type organizations down here so I am pleased
I have lost some weight!!
My tan is rather "farmerish" but at least it is a "tan"
My phone texting skills are way improving.
There are people here that I know who are talking to me that I did not talk to much before and there is also the opposite way around. It is confusing.
The tap water here SUCKS!!!

God really, really, really is in this place.

So Many Kids!!

2006-06-27T10:46:00.000-04:00

I am currently hiding out in my office doing mucho extra work to make up for the fact I will be gone all next week. This week is VBS and my lovely wife is running it. Fortunatley, I just have to pray and run the computer/DVD system in the sanctuary at the beginning and the end. Once we are done with the little kids this week, I am off to San Antonio for the big youth gathering. The youth advisor who set everything up made sure that we are in a very nice hotel that happens to be 250 leagues away from any and all action so our days and nights will be filled with traveling by shuttle (I hope there is one since we are flying) to be with everyone else who got a better hotel. But, I am not bitter. What could possibly be wrong with spending 8 days in a hotel room wtih a bunch of teenage boys who have not yet learned the advantages of daily showers and acne cream? What could be better than 105 degree weather with thousands of kids in one big room?

If you like that kind of stuff, then God bless you. And...I will give you one thousand dollars to take my place!! (just kidding).

But I do have a question about an issue that has really been bothering me. WHERE ARE THE MEN? In our VBS program we have 3 teachers, 4 coordinators, 3 food people, and some kids helping out. But they are all women!! Not that there is anything wrong with women, but I wonder why it is the males don't seem to be wanting to help. I know this might be systemic of a mainline denomination congregation in the suburbs during the weekday when most people are at work, but there HAS to be some men out there who care and want to help. I hope there is a book about this somewhere...

Friday Five

2006-06-02T14:37:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Stumbling Toward Divinity and Rev. Gal for this. One of my two sermons are finished (including a reference to the X-Men movie), it is raining and I am bored.

1. If you were a mutant, what ability would you like to have? (think superpower)
Without a doubt, it would be the ability to control and manipulate any and all metals. So I would be like Magneto. And trust me on this, no plastic prison would hold me for long. (But, of course, I would use my powers for good and not for evil.)

2. Tell us about a memorable road trip you've experienced.

When I was a wee young lad working at McDonalds, some friends of mine wanted to know if I wanted to see Madonna in concert. Of course I did, she was hot back then. The only issue was that the concert was in Dallas and I was in St. Louis. And the concert was in two days. So we went. It was a blast. The concert was wonderful and the trip was fun despite the fact that the car we traveled in (a trans am) was driven by the girl who owned it and would not let anyone else drive it until she fell asleep and ran us off the road. Twice. We survived and found out that there are WAY too many bars in Texas who would serve underaged teens on a quest to see the mother of all concerts.

3. Do you enjoy solving riddles and working on puzzles? If so, what kinds?

I get Discover and Popular Science because I am a big dweeb and a dork. They have puzzles of many different kinds in them and I attempt them all. I do not always succeed but it is nice to keep my mind ticking. Does this, however, include Snood?

4. Take two of your phobias and combine them to make a campy horror/disaster flick. What would it be called?

Spiders in large bodies of water at night!!!!

5. Just how batsh*t crazy is Tom Cruise, anyway?

One only needs to look at his "religion" to answer this for themselves.

Yes, Yes I know, it has been forever

2006-05-07T21:43:00.000-04:00

Instead of trying to catch everyone up on what has been happening (like having movie stars over to my house...a movie in which I actually appear!) and having a dear friend "leave" the ministry for higher ground, I will just put on here what is on my mind today...

I have absolutely no idea how I am going to handle West Wing not being on any more. These people have gotten me through so much. We have been through seminary together and first call. Now, they are packing up the White House and their offices in favor of a new administration. I am going to miss them terribly.

I know that through the blessing of syndication they will be alive forever in hour hearts in non-primetime viewing schedules, but it just isnt the same. A few family and friends have suggested I get some DVD's of the seasons I like. HOW CAN ONE CHOOSE??!?! There is an empty hole in my heart and it will only get bigger as the series finale (I am choking back tears as I type this) shows next Sunday.

Keep me and the Bartlett Administration in your prayers.

Now I know what to get everyone for Christmas!!!

2006-02-28T05:53:00.000-05:00

I happened upon this website that sells shirts/mugs ect. with some really wonderful sayings. I especially like the one about the jumping through hoops!!

visit:http://www.cafepress.com/gracehead/950396 at your earliest convience.

The family can grow

2006-02-17T10:05:00.000-05:00

My wife and I have discussed growing our family again. We have to wonderful children now but we want to do something we have talked about since we were married so very long ago. She said that she did not want to have any more children herself so we have started that long road to adoption. In the state that I live in (round on the ends, high in the middle) you are required to be fingerprinted, take 12 weeks of class, get a home study done, and a psych profile completed. Well, we are almost done with the classes and the FBI has not yet come for us after being fingerprinted.

We are keeping it quiet when it comes to our family because some of them on one side of the family (her side) would not be very supportive. They think that if we want kids, we should pop out more of our own. That is not what this is about. If you ever get the chance to go on children services websites where the kids available for adoption have a pic and a profile, it is the most heartbreaking thing to see them and have then talk about wanting to live in a home with a family. I have never NOT lived in a home with a family so I cannot imagine what it would be like to be a kid and not have a family. But I try so I can somewhat understand what they might be feeling.

Of course, what this means is that these kids are old enough to write that they want a family. We have had enough of babies. Besides, they are the ones people want to adopt anyway. We want an older kid, probably with siblingings. Gender is irrelevant and so is race and culture for the most part. But the truth is, we have no clue what to expect. Then again, it is that way with biological children. We in a million years would not have expected what we got with our second child! (Lest you think that sounds bad, our second child enlightens/scares the hell out of us daily and we love him unconditionally and unquestionably like we do our first child.)

We have to be honest with ourselves. Can this whiter than white family really be a home to those who are of a different culture? Can our children handle the fact that the youngest age we want to start with is 10? What are our limits and abilities? If the process goes right, we will be able to discover all of the issues and work them out. But the closest it would be to have a new family member would be in about 6 to 8 months. Hmmm...maybe almost 9 months.

The Importance of Knowing Things

2006-01-30T07:55:00.000-05:00

So there I was, teaching Adult Sunday Bible Class (we were covering the 6th commandment!!) when a gentleman came in abrubptly and asked me to follow him. The look in his eye was serious. As I left the room and followed him, he told me that Matt was unresponsive. Matt had just had knee surgury the week before and was back at church for the first time. I started running because I could hear his wife screaming "Matt! What is wrong with you!?" I opened up the doors and I saw him slumped over on the bench he was sitting on while he was waiting for the car to be pulled up.

He was dead. Well, at least that was the thought I had. I tried to see if he was breathing or if he had a heartbeat. Matt is a rather large guy so I could not feeling anything. I don't remember a whole lot of specifics from my first aid classes, but for some reason the basics kicked in. My first thought was that I cannot do CPR on a guy sitting up. I had his wife and someone else standing around help me get him to the floor. It only took about 5 seconds but it seemed like forever and in that time i was going over in my mind the steps to take and the right order to take them in.

Due soley to the grace of God, when he got horizontal, he woke up and asked what we were all doing around him. Then he looked around him and asked why he was on the floor.

Things went pretty easy from there. The EMT's arrived and took him to the hospital. I went back to teaching the class and doing the second worship service. Afterwards, I spent some time at the hospital as they did tests. He, so far is doing well.

But what went through my mind more than anything was why was I called out of class to help Matt? We have at least 3 RN's who were in the building at the time who ended up coming and helping while we were waiting for the EMT's. I have never led anyone to believe that I was able to do any type of first aid. My only thought is that the people of the congregation really do see me as a leader of more than just worship. If there is something wrong or amiss, then they look to me first. I am grateful that I do know CPR and first aid, but it makes me wonder what else I will be called upon to do or know. While I realize that I have to know my limits and my place, it would be nice if I were well rounded enough to know some things that could help people out.

I believe that my first job will be to answer, with authority, which beers go best with which food. I start my training tonight.

Golly!

2005-12-17T13:00:00.000-05:00

Well, my last post has a comment that DoupleP or DP is a pornography term and it might generate more hits for the wrong reasons on my blog. I spent about a day, off and on, trying to figure out exactly what that might mean. I finally turned to the internet and found out what it meant. And...Golly, it is quite xrated, I must say. I will not repeat it here but I have to admit, if anyone is reading thing thinking they are going to see or get some double p...they are gonna be very disappointed!

The truth is, I have just not felt like it...

2005-12-15T21:07:00.000-05:00

The long time between writing is moslty because my intensions were always to keep up with this, but by the time I had the time, what I wanted to write about has lost its lustre. Now, I find myself with little time because this is the busy season in the church and I want to write about how wonderful/terrible the Christmas Season can be. There is so much pressure to be happy and loving and cheerful and generous. And the truth is, Christmas is not exactly about that.

Of all of the "true meaning of Christmas" movies and tv shows and books and articles and sermons, St. Mark said it best. All of Christmas can be boiled down into his one brief and profound statement. Christmas is..."The beginning of the good news of Jesus Christ, the Son of God!" This is also the time of year I turn to Trans-Siberian Orch. for their unbelievably inspiring music.

But alas...

I have suffered from a disease now for about 10 years. It is the kind of disease that is not really that noticible and I certainly don't tell people I have it because nobody really needs to know. It cycles, meaning it comes and goes. I have had it "under control" for quite some time but every now and then, it hits big. And it has hit. This is the worst time for it to rear its ugly head because I am too busy to deal with it. And as I look back, it has never really been a problem this time of year before, so I am struggling anew. Strangely for me, I am feeling guilty about all of this. I guess it is because there is pressure at this time of year to be cheerful, etc. and as a PASTOR it is that much more pressure that I be happy etc. to help bolster up other people. I just am not up to it. I am praying for strength to make this time meaningful for myself so it can be more meaningful for others. I feel like I have to find "my Christmas" in time for Christmas.

I would go look in the manger, but it is too damned cold outside tonight.

The respect of the office of pastor and of God

2005-11-02T17:16:00.000-05:00

Howard is a short Irish man that stands about 5'2" He is built like a truck and is thick with muscle. I am not sure, but I would put his age at about 67 and when he wears his little ski cap he looks like a mafia hitman. If you were to meet him on the street, you would probably think he acts like one too. He is not the friendliest person I have ever met and he never really has more than a few words to say. This is the keyholder of the church.

Howard is one of the fixtures at the congregation and has been "in charge" of properties for probably about 126 years. No one, including myself, would have it any other way. He knows his stuff and even though he looks like he would kick my ass if I so much as asked for a lightbulb the wrong way, he is very helpful with anything the church needs. He just doesn't smile or talk about it.

Well, Howard came into my office today to tell me about the light fixtures in my office. He explained when he would fix them. I thanked him and he started to walk out my office door. He turned around and said that there was something that he wanted to talk to me about but wanted to wait until later. "Howard, I am here all day, if you have time now, that would be fine." He turned around.

Then...
This mafia hitman who would wipe the floor with my face...
Cried.

He stepped back fully into my office and shut the door behind him. My mind was racing with what this might be about. Is he sick? Is his wife sick? A friend die? His automatic weapon misfire at the wrong time? I had to suddenly remember who I was and do with him what I would do with anyone...just listen.

Step back a bit. I had new locks put on my office door. The same key that opened the main office also opened my personal study and the properties committee said that that was not right. More than once I walked into my office and found someone at my desk reading things. I always lock or have on my personal computer anything confidential, but still, it freaked me out to see someone sitting in my chair. Anyway, the rule from the properties committee and the council was that I, the administrator, and the janitor were the only ones to have a key to my office. The master key would be held at Howard's house (like all the other master keys) for safety and to keep them off the premise. All good and wonderful, except, Howard forgot that I knew about the master.

Here we were, talking in my office and he was very emotional. I asked what he wanted to talk about but he put his finger up to hush me (I obliged!) and we waited. And waited. He choked back and bit and said, "Pastor, I needed to get into your office while you were out to change a light fixture. I told the administrator I would need to get in and she asked why I didn't just use the master key instead of borrowing hers. Pastor, I didn't realize she knew I had a master key and..." Howard got all choked up again. "...and I didn't want you to think that I had a key and was keeping information from you. If you found out from her that I had a key..." Now the tears came more fully. "...and you thought I was keeping secrets from you...well, I don't want you upset with me."

Um. No one died. No one is sick.

This man was worried about upsetting me. This man was worried that I would think he was something other than honest and truthful. I almost wanted to laugh...not at him, but because I thougth it was going to be something important! Well, to him it was, and I treated it that way. We talked about the fact that I already knew about the master key and that I trusted him, and so does the congregation, with anything and everything. He quickly gained his composure and left my office with a "thanks" and the look he usually has that he is going to outfit someone for a pair of concrete sneakers.

This is not exactly what seminary has taught me how to deal with...but then again, they did teach me that everyone, including hitman-looking men, are children of God with feelings and fears. I don't know if it was me, his reputation, or the office of the pastor he was worried about. I suspect a bit of all. But God is in his heart and thanks to him, I can truely see God anywhere.

My first gay wedding...

2005-11-02T17:02:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am really really ticked! Everytime I write a post the page gets lost!!!!!

Humph! This is the third time I want to write about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long and short of it, I had two women ask me if I would bless their union in the Bahamas in about eight months. They are friends of my wife's friend who I met at a halloween party over lots of beers and so-so food. When I introduced myself, they said, "Oh, um, you are the pastor, you won't like us." Now how is that for our American heritage? Just because I am a pastor, I am a hatemongerer. We talked for about 3-4 hours about God and love and beaches and their two boys. They have been together for about 3 years and share everything equally. One of them came to the relationship with two pre-teenaged boys who love it. They think it is really cool to have two moms.

These two women really did feel as if there was no one on earth (read: this area of the country) who would help them out with the ceremony. They asked me if I would do it and if my congregation was friendly. Ouch. I had to be honest with them. There is a good chance that, no matter how hard I have worked, that the people in the pews would not quite accept them. It hurt, but it was true. This area is difficult and they were understanding. I know this does not sound very much like a grace-saved-apart-from-works Lutheran, but I often wonder what I have done to deserve meeting such wonderful people no matter where I travel.

My first gay guy...

2005-10-29T14:52:00.000-04:00

This morning I opened up my email and saw a message from someone whom I have not talked to in a little over six years by my reckonin. It was my friend Scott. He just...emailed me. Scott was someone who I met about 12 years ago and had interested me ever since. He was the first person I ever sat down and talked to for long periods of time who considered him self to be homosexual. One time, he came over at about 4pm and we talked until about 6am non-stop over coffee and smokes. It was truely a learning experience, one that opened my life up to the realization that people who are GLBT are not different from anyone else. That sounds rather trite to say it that way...not different...but that is the only way I can explain it.

We would talk and go out on double-dates (he and someone, my wife and I) and go to gay dance clubs (which my wife enjoyed to a great degree 'cause she said the guys there were 10 times hotter than other clubs). As Chris and I moved into the suburbs and Scott was more and more into his degree (he is a really smart dude), we just didn't really talk any more. Eventually, as God was calling me into the abyss of church, I believe he thought I was going off the deep end. In fact, the last time I saw him was over lunch, when I was telling him my ideas of going into ministry. I heard he moved to Texas and I moved the required fourteen times a seminarian has to move.

And now, just today, he emailed me. I liken it to seeing a ghost in some ways. He reminds me of the past, of where I was, who I used to be, where I used to live, etc. I am not afraid or upset, but shocked more than anything. I also feel joy. A friend my wife and I thought we might never see or hear from again has reached out. The re-awakening of our awakening? I owe a lot to Scott for being my friend and I never really told him that. Maybe, I will get that chance in person someday.

Yesterday was just one of those days.

2005-10-24T07:33:00.000-04:00

We have two services at our church. The first one is decidedly a lot more casual and I sit on a rotating bar stool in the front of the sanctuary when I give my sermon. It is kind of nice because I get to sit down for most of the service, but I really am much more liturgical and therefore like the second service a bit more. The people of the first service are a lot more receptive to what is going on, though. I guess it is because they feel more casual and are therefore more capable of reacting to things without feeling "unchurchy." But I like standing up when I preach and the first service does not lend itself to that. So what usually happens is the first service I feel as if I didn't preach my sermon as well as I could have, but people always give me feedback and we discuss it. In the second service, I preach it much better, but people just sorta sit there.

Well, for some reason, both services went very, very well. After an incredible bible class between the services (I am taking the adults through the Creed and the commandments) I went up and preached my little heart out. Now, I read my sermons from a script. It is not like I just go up there and read what is on paper, but I craft my words in very specific ways and have the papers up there with me so that I remember exactly how I worded it. I am constantly looking up and making eye contact with the few and proud who always seem interested in what I have to say. I always (in my humble opinion) believe I make very good connections with the congregation during my sermons, but yesterday, after making a rather incredible statement (again, read: In my humble opinion) about Christ's two laws that matter I looked up and EVERY SINGLE PERSON was looking at me with an intensity I have not seen in quite a while. I am not sure if it was my delivery or the content or a spider crawling out of my nose or something, but it took me back for just a second. I OWNED the room! It felt great. Not because of my ego (yes J, there are moments when I am humble...ok, not many, but still) but because people were taking in the GOSPEL!

I was told I inspired people! I was told I was strong. I even had a guy, seriously, I am not making this up, call me after lunch to tell me thank you for my message. I made it clear I felt I was just bringing in Christ's message to our place and time.

So, what does this mean? My wife asked me that... I believe what it means is that once again, despite my flaws and personality quirks and bad hair days, God can work through people. People even like me. I had to sit down for a while and just think on that. I felt...wait for it...humbled.

My fault, my own fault, my own most yada, yada, yada

2005-10-13T13:38:00.000-04:00

I am sorry. In the game of blog tag you have to list 5 idiosyncrasies. I just thought J was sharing things about himself for our mutual benefit. But if I only have to list five, that makes the job easy...

1. When I get out of my car, I set the radio to the station and volume level I know I will want to listen to when I get back in the car. I NEVER leave CD's in the player because you never know what could happen.

2. I wear underware in the liturgically correct color on Sunday's. The only person I know of who would even notice or care, my wife, doubtless has no idea. And yes, Easter Sunday does present a problem as I do not own any gold skivvies. Yet. (Does that mean DoubleP goes commando on Easter??!?!)

3. I have a bizzar infatuation with the White House. Not the administrations therein, but the house, the history and what it takes to run it. I found a website that has pics of the residence 2nd and 3rd floor, which are the private rooms of the First Family, and I am fairly sure for security purposes, that the site is not legal. But it is sooooooo damn facinating. (Note to Secret Service, I have never and never will wish harm to any President or family or anything like that...I just like knowing what the house is like.)

4. Gwen Stefani. Need I say more? Ok, I will. I actually like her voice and most of her music. But she is not hard to look at either. I once had a dream that I was presiding at her marriage to her husband. (She didn't pay all that well but I didn't mind.)

5. I have a piece of stone from the base of the Great Pyrimad that was stolen from the actual site by a friend of mine (who lives there) who smuggled it out of the country against the antiquity laws and brought it to me. Thank you [name deleted by CIA] for that wonderful gift. I touch it every night and sometimes throw it at one of the many animals we have running around the house.

I hope that you find this interesting, but nothing can be as interesting as a Prince Potty.

P.S. Speaking of potties. A first happened to me this morning. In one of our bathrooms we have a huge skylight that can open and close. It is closed because of the weather right now but I looked up from reading my book "The White House Staff: The West Wing and Beyond" to see a black squirrel (yep, they are black in this area) looking down at me while I was doing my...um...business. He stared at me for about 2 min. before I decided to wave him away. It didn't really work so he just left on his own. I wonder if he would have prefered a purple color scheme?

This is not working like I planned...

2005-10-12T07:44:00.000-04:00

I really, really did want to use this much more than I have. I find myself wanting to write things down and discuss them and use witty reparte' but unable to find the time or the capacity to remember. Nonetheless, I will try more, remember more.

Now, to J. My blogging universe is so small that to play blog tag means that for the next 11 years, I will be "it." I don't mind being "it" but it depends on what the meaning of "it" is.

Okay, I could spend valuable time and space telling you about my congregation getting a new wonderful choir director, a return of our organist after a long illness spell and how wonderful the new "Lutheran Handbook" is, but that would take away from what I consider THE MOST AMAZING THING ON EARTH IN MODERN TIMES!!!!!!

Now I believe that I have been blessed by God and all that God has provided, but in truth, I always felt something was missing. That feeling has been banished to the depths of Sheol! I feel like my life and my very being has been completed with a revelation that could come only from the VERY LOVE OF GOD!!

A Toaster?

Well, yes, a toaster, but way, way more than a toaster. It is a gift of divine quality. I stumbled onto this in an add and figured it was too expensive to get...too much of a luxury that a humble servant of the Lord could possibly hope for. But, through an amazing cocophany of events that led to an exclusive, ticket-only department store sale, I have received the very warm and loving peace of mind and diet.

Behold, I present to you the Back to Basics Egg and Muffin Toaster:

It makes toast, it makes soft/poached/hard boiled eggs, it makes BOTH AT THE SAME TIME! And...And...it makes them to perfection. It is stylish (and matches my grind/brew all-in-one coffee maker) and it is easy to use. My seven yearold just made himself an egg and toast breakfast! It is created to exacting specifications so that both bread and egg turn out perfect every time. MY CUP RUNNETH OVER!!!

No, I have no stock in this company nor do I get any kickbacks or commission if you happen to get one, but I will tell you this. If for some reason you decide NOT to get this, I belive it means that you do not love your family and that you will make the baby Jesus cry!

Amen.

I hate weddings!

2005-09-17T06:54:00.000-04:00

First of all, I would like to note that it has been less than a month since I posted. That means I have not broken my own record of lazyness.

In this past time I have done 3 weddings, a memorial service, did continuing education, took a vacation and visited a dear friend who just resigned his call because the senior pastor at his church made Satan look like a nice guy and the Wisc. Synod look like a bunch of liberal weeines. He didn't even file papers (the act of letting your intentions to go to another call), he just resigned. I saw a demolition derby and ate what could only be described as mutated carny food.

But I hate weddings. I hate the fact that people think it is a performance with Cecil B. DeMil directing a cast of thousands. I hate the fact that people actually pick "Love me tender" as a "song" to be played. Someone actually asked me at a rehersal last night "When does my part come up?"

In my young and stupid days (i.e. any time this past first year prior to today) I would take pity on couples who had no way to get married because their home denomination was too jerky to marry them. Usually because of divorce or not baptized into the correct faith (read: right wing fundies who think they are better than everyone else). But now I am thinking they are on to something. Not in not letting people get married...but in not doing ceremonies. I do ministry without expecting anything in return. In other words, I don't expect people to come to church or join the congregation if I baptize their kids or marry them off, but with these wedding, I no longer feel as if it is an opportunity to share the gospel or provide unconditional ministry. I feel like, and have been treated like, the hired help. Not that I am not humble. No one has ever called me a pompous ass. Wait...never mind that last statement. But they are using the church as a convention center or catering service. Not as a church. I cannot allow that anymore. It feels hollow and empty.

In other news:
I just received an invite to my 20th highschool reunion. Now I officially feel old. I want to go to see how people have aged and what kind of difference I know some of them made in the world. I want to go to see people's expressions when they find out I am a pastor. But I don't want to go because my high school class really was mostly a bunch of white rich snobby asswipes who had no idea that they were not the end-all-beat-all people of the world. Even at the 10th reunion time it was clear from what people wrote in our alumni newsletter that they still felt the center of the universe. That is why I did not attend. But after 20 years...20 years...maybe some of us have calmed down a bit and have learned from life and experience that it is our relationships, not our cars and houses and jobs that make life worth living.

I will ask my wife if she wants to go. I guess that will be the deciding factor.

Ok, I am off to take writing classes so my blog flows more.

Just singin and clappin, man, what the hell happened?

2005-08-19T19:59:00.000-04:00

Ok, so the ELCA is having some problems. Just about half of the voters wanted to allow exceptions to homosexual ordination and I thought that was a good thing. But I was upset that the vote did not go through. I was looking for any sign that we were an inclusive church that allows everyone called to be ordained. But, talking to J, I have since learned that even if the vote was "successful" it would have caused probably more problems than was worth it. So what is good and what is not so good.

It comes down to this. I knew that an all or nothing scenario (which was NOT the resolution voted on) would not go through no matter what. It was too soon and too dangerous for people to vote on. So this 3rd resolution that got half the votes was, in my mind, a step in the right direction because people could vote for it without really totally compromising their beliefs. Well, that is what I thought. I really was thinking this whole thing as a "glass half full" and not half empty. The truth be told (typed, really) is that the gospel really does call for an all or nothing! this half-way stuff would not have cut it with Christ and it should not have cut it with me. No matter how you come down on this whole thing, the only proper and gospel thing for the church to do is to have the nads to say, "Look, either we do or we don't. Period." For those who are caught in this, they need to know one way or another so they can get on with Christ's ministry in a setting that is healthy.

Ah, but here comes the problem sneaking up on me again. I am selfish. In other words...DONT LEAVE THE DENOMINATION BECAUSE HALF THE PEOPLE ARE IDIOTS!!! It would hurt me if those not welcomed into ordained ministry left the ELCA. In fact, it would hurt the whole church. But again, as I said, that is MY selfishness talking. It really would not matter if they were Lutheran, UCC, PCUSA, or LMNOP. It is God's church. But I want people to understand that Lutherans really do follow the gospel. Then again, I also want a Lexus LS430. We can't always get what we want.

So, what is next? I really don't think anyone knows at this point. But I will continue to keep my eyes, ears, and mind open to what the Spirit is telling my bothers and sisters to do. I pray that they know they are loved and accepted beyond the boundries of a denomination and that they remember God does want and need them out there doing God's will.

On a side note, I heard that a friend of mine from seminary still does not have a call. I pray that the morons out there will realize that there is an excellent person who will make a difference and get her butt into a church in an appropriate area so that the world will be a better place. Sometimes I wonder if the Spirit is on vacation from the bishops offices.

Um, well, sorta...

2005-08-09T16:21:00.000-04:00

You scored as Emergent/Postmodern. You are Emergent/Postmodern in your theology. You feel alienated from older forms of church, you don't think they connect to modern culture very well. No one knows the whole truth about God, and we have much to learn from each other, and so learning takes place in dialogue. Evangelism should take place in relationships rather than through crusades and altar-calls. People are interested in spirituality and want to ask questions, so the church should help them to do this.

Emergent/Postmodern

79%

Evangelical Holiness/Wesleyan

54%

Neo orthodox

54%

Classical Liberal

46%

Roman Catholic

43%

Modern Liberal

39%

Charismatic/Pentecostal

29%

Reformed Evangelical

25%

Fundamentalist

What's your theological worldview?
created with QuizFarm.com

I think one thing is for sure, I am not a Funda[mental]ist. Personally, I wear that as a badge. I have a collection of Bible stories/passages/excerpts that I label "fun with the fundies." It is those passages where the scriptures clearly do not agree with one another or outright contradict each other. No reasonable person can read them and say the the bible is "inerant." I ask some of the "Bible is the exact word of God" people about them and they stammer and stumble. It is a tragic sin that I get so much pleasure out of it. But hey, I am just a sinner trying to go through life.

One example is the Gospel for this Sunday. The same story in Mark as is told in Matthew has Christ responding to the woman in two different ways. Which is it??!?!?!?!? Huh??!?!?!

Alrighty then. I need to check my manual for life...the Bible...on if it is a sin or not to change the break light in my wife's car. I will begin looking in Leviticus...

Holy Schnikies!!!

2005-08-08T20:04:00.000-04:00

I really cannot believe it has been over a MONTH since I have written on this thing. It is not that I don't like to. I do. But I firmly believe that it is a habit that I must find time for.

I cannot belive how busy I have been. I have been blessed with a busy schedule and wonderful people. I was visited by a dear old friend from my first seminary, a big totally fun family from my second seminary came and stayed with us, I went to a youth ministies network for our region and met scads of people who know scads of people that I know, three weddings, I am taking my congregation out to eat so that I can talk with them (in groups of 25 so it is not too wild) am dealing with the resigning of our organist, our choir director, and our worship chair (yep, three different people), and three baptisms!!! All while realizing that this week, one year ago, I started my new life and was ordained. Also, this is the first time my family and I have lived in the same house for more than 11 months in the past FOUR years!

And I am gosh darned tired. I am just glad that I am not at the churchwide assembly. I would not have the energy. I am praying fiercely for some friends down there and hope that no matter what happens, they realize the difference they are making. I was called by our local paper today to comment on what was going down there. Given that I live in a pretty conservative area, I believe I might have just alienated myself from a lot of ELCA pastors in the area. Actually, it felt like a confession...not of wrongdoing to a priest or anything, but like a creed. I belive in God, the creator who creates humans that can love one another despite their race, gender, height, hair color, shoe size, or ability to ride a jetski!!!! And I wanted to go so far as to say, "And if you don't believe that, then you are a moron who will end up loveless and with really bad toe fungus!" But that would not be exactly nice of me. Besides, I am sure people with toe fungus are loveable. I am not sure how, but God is all powerful.

I am off to talk to some committees about my first vacation. Yep, technecally I have been here over a year and have yet to take a vacation. I am going to a big conference on science and religion and then take the rest of the time in that week in September to just chill with my family and some really good beer

My intention is to not wait a month for another entry.

[Punches self in arm like geek from Breakfast Club]

2005-07-02T11:43:00.000-04:00

I hate terribly to bore people with my sermons, but I really like this one. And it is not like 1000s of people will read/critique it.

Sunday July 3, 2005
Romans 7:15-25 and Matthew 11:16-19, 25-30

The no-win scenario. Also called the catch-22 and you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. What in your life have you ever considered the no-win scenario? Nothing you can do will get you out of the situation. No matter how smart you are or how crafty you are or how talented you are, you cannot win. No matter what your choices are, you cannot make the choice that will save the day or yourself.
Some examples might be taxes. If you don’t pay taxes, you will get caught and have to pay them or go to jail for it. If you pay taxes, you are out a lot of money that you have earned. How about lawn work. If you don’t mow the grass, it grows uncontrollably long and your yard looks bad and Chris…I mean, your spouse, yells at you to do your job. But, if you mow it, it only grows back to haunt you every time you sit down in the yard to relax. I would have to say that 99 percent of political elections are that way. No matter who you vote for, there are going to be things about your “lesser of two evils” candidates that you don’t like.
I would even say that life is a no-win scenario. It does not matter how good you are or how much you achieve in status, money or wisdom, you still won’t get out alive. The recent media case in Florida showed us that if people could fight to keep you alive, but not really alive and only for a little while longer, or you die. Sounds a bit depressing, I know. Even if you say the cup is half empty or half full, the truth is, you still don’t have a full cup. In my studies of scripture and theology and God, I have come up with a no-win scenario, and it is based on a comedian and this Roman text.
I believe in grace. To that end, I believe we are all given one free pass on a heresy. A heresy is something that you believe that does not follow what the church doctrine says or what the bible attests to. Since we cannot all agree on what the bible says exactly about everything anyway, you have one free heresy that no one can argue about. It is just what you believe. Here is my no-win, one free heresy.
I don’t believe in the devil. Oh, there is most certainly evil in the world. There is evil in country form, mob form, political form, individual form, and in nature. Evil is everywhere. But I do not really believe in one super strong evil entity that can be personified as the devil. The reason is that I cannot find a need or purpose for the devil. But I wish there was actually the devil. That is where the comedian comes in…Flip Wilson. Remember what he said…”The devil made me do it.”
Life would be so much easier if the devil existed because all of the bad things I did, and all of the bad things that happen to me could easily be blamed on the devil. How nice it would be to not be responsible for my actions and thoughts. I get upset when people talk about the devil, as if there was someone or something out there causing all of the pain and suffering and temptation in the world. It is just way too easy. And Paul here in Romans helps my case. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do.
There it is…the reason I do not believe in the devil. Sin and evil is my fault. It dwells within me. Not someone else’s , not the devil’s, but my fault, my own fault, my own most grievous fault. And frankly, it is your fault too. I pine for the day that I can call someone like the devil responsible for my sins. I would praise the day the devil could be blamed for your sins, so that I don’t have to worry about you being a good or bad person.
But I cannot win this one. The word “devil” is in the scriptures 37 times. The word “Satan” is in the scriptures 54 times. Clearly if you read the bible, the devil is around. I could read it as a metaphor for sin and evil, or not. The church seems to think that there is the devil and has come up with interesting doctrines on what to do with this character. If I say I do not want to believe there is a devil, the bible shows me that I am wrong.
However, if I want to believe that there is a devil, I cannot win because then I am wanting to blame someone other than myself. But I am clearly at fault for the sin and evil that I do. And if your sin and evil is your fault, then you are in separation from God. Separation from God is death. Now matter how I believe when it comes to the devil, I cannot get out alive. Actually, no matter how you believe when it comes to the devil, neither can you.
You are damned if you do, damned if you don’t. The no-win scenario. Christ knew it all too well. For John came neither eating nor drinking, and they say, 'He has a demon'; the Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Look, a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!' The poor guy could just not cut a break. Whatever the act or issue, Christ was always blamed and counted as unrighteous by those that did not see what he was here to do. He came to help people and save people. He came to fulfill the law. He came to show mercy and grace. He couldn’t win. He didn’t get out alive. The people could not save him, the law put him to death, he was shown no mercy or grace.
That is even more depressing. We are dead no matter what. A no-win scenario. We are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. It can, and indeed does weigh on us. It is a heavy burden to bear knowing that nothing can get us out of this no-win situation. That is how humanity works.
From Matthew: "Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." You know, this is read during the ordination service of pastors. That is what the stole represents. It is to represent the yolk of Christ. And it is easy. The burden is light. It constantly reminds me of what Christ was saying.
In this passage, the good news is that Christ says: “Wait a second. You know what. I don’t believe in the no-win scenario.” My love for you knows no bounds. My love for you and your neighbor is stronger than any sin or evil that you do or encounter. If the devil does exist, no matter, I have already taken away the only power the devil might have…I have taken away death.
Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! Because of God’s love, because of the way God works, we are in a will-win scenario. Because of God’s love shown clearly in Christ, we do get out of this alive…forever. Don’t worry about your one free heresy. Don’t worry about the devil if you happen to believe that way. Don’t worry about the lawn. Don’t worry about the burden you bear. Christ’s message is this:
You are saved if you do, saved if you don’t.

Bombay Saphire martini shaken straight up two olives

2005-06-30T09:43:00.000-04:00

They might have gotten this one right.

Your Virgo Drinking Style

Hey brainiac, you are compelled to impose order onto your bender.
Your famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure...
But it could also lead to drinking booze neatly (like sucking down organic wine or having extreme brand loyalty).
You rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when you do!

Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

Your Signature Cocktails

Many Virgos prefer clear, simple, untreacly drinks like vodka tonic or a real margarita, though you can be found drinking anything from unflinchingly downing Cuervo straight to smirkingly ordering a dirty virgin. You also tend to like bitter, low-alk guzzles like Campari and soda. However, you rarely change your signature drink once you've found it.

Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies

Cameron Diaz, Hugh Grant, Keanu Reeves, Nicole Richie, Bill Murray, Jada Pinkett Smith, Adam Sandler, and Ricki Lake.

What's Your Alcohoroscope?

Oh how I remember the vanilla crap that got me into trouble. And the car bombs that got me into trouble. Drinking strait vodka from a bottle with a 6 1/2 foot Mexican that really got me in trouble. And of course the beer that made me briefly step into another world. But nothing compares, no nothing compares to a Bombay Saphire Martini shaken strait up with two olives. THAT drink got me ordained.

To be painfully honest, it has been at least 8 months since I have had more than two beers in a row. Much less my "nectar of the gods" drink mentioned in the title. Just not a whole lot of opportunities to drink. I really need to change that.

Maleness

2005-06-24T19:12:00.000-04:00

Ok, so here I sit in my hanging chair contraption I got for Father's Day typing on my computer thinking about what just happened. My 11 year old son is on a little league baseball team. The team is in second place out of 11 other teams and they have really performed well, dispute a few upsetting losses to some teams that just had a better day than they have. My son and I went to the ballpark an hour before his practice started to help him with his batting. The playoffs start tomorrow and he wanted some time hitting the ball.

He started out striking out lots when the season started because he was just not confident that he could actually hit it. The coach, (an absolutely wonderful person and fantastic coach) gave him and I some tips and pointers on how to increase his level of confidence. Lo and behold, he started coming around. It was no longer assumed that when he got up to bat, he would strike out. In fact, the last couple of games, he had some great hits, including a great triple. Yesterday, he got on base because the pitcher beened him in the head with the first pitch. It didn't hurt, according to him, but it sure was a scare. It looked funny, but none of us parents could tell him that.

Anyway, part of the issue with me is the other parents. See, we live in the fancy schmancy part of town with big houses and lots of fancy cars. We were really blessed to get the house we got at the deal we got it at. The upside is that the school is great and the city is nice. The down side is that my realestate taxes are very high and I have issues being around all of the other parents who have maids and big SUV's. I have not talked to the other parents much because we are new in town, I don't really know them, and I cannot think of anything that I have in common with them. To put it bluntly, I am intimidated by them.

So, here we are, having a blast throwing and hitting the ball, and one of the other fathers shows up with his son. His son is a good friend of my son, but I have never really talked with the father. I stopped. I told my son that it was time for the real practice to start and I would be back in a couple of hours to pick him up. He asked if I would stay and help out with practice like some of the other dads did, but I told him that I had to work on a sermon. That was not entirely a lie...but it was not really totally truthful either. As I left, he looked at me as if to say, "Dad, you just need a little more confidence and you will be okay."

That look haunted me as I walked to my old car parked next to a towering Chevy Subdivision SUV that had its own satellite and bathroom. And, it was lined in gold. On my drive back to the house, I tried to drag in a CPE moment. What was I feeling? And Why? Self conscious, small, poor, ugly, woefully unathletic. Those were true. The other dad was like 8 feet tall. But it all came down to one feeling. I did not feel like a male. I felt less of a man than the other guys. I was never good at sports and for fun I like to read. Not exactly teeming with male horomones here. For all of the education, experience, and counseling I have received (and given), I cannot shake this feeling. I am not sure why either. I am just not in my element on the sports field and I really cannot fake it long enough to impress anyone or make anyone believe otherwise. So why worry? Why not just be myself and not worry about what others think? Well, If I knew the answer to that, this post would have a different ending.

Spining and turning and being upsidedown

2005-06-16T22:16:00.000-04:00

My youth group went to Cedar Point this past Tuesday. This amusement park boasts being the largest in the world because it has more rides (68) than any other park and more rollercoasters (15) in one place than any other place. I found it lives up to its reputation! Oh My God! I cannot believe how much fun I had!

I found that I have not yet grown so old as to not be able to be upsidedown for an extended period of time and lose anything that was in my digestive track. (I think there were too many "not"s in that last sentence.) There is also something about being in a place were a crappy cheeseburger costs seven dollars and to drink a bottle of water sets you back three dead presidents. My secret joy came from a little plastic ball on a stick. When you press the button on the stick, the lights inside twirl around and spin in an amazing pattern of colors and hues. It can mezmorize me for hours. In fact, it has.

My favorite ride was the new one called the MaxAir. Picture a disc with seats around the edge...enough to hold fifty people. That disc spins as you are forced outward with only the harness holding you into your seat. Now picture this disc with a really really big stick shooting up from the center of it and hinged on a really big tower. Now picture this disc on this stick swinging back and forth about eight stories high. If you cannot picture it, please go to www.cedarpoint.com to see it in an actual picture. I find this ride a lot like my relationship with God. (well, not really, but since said "God" word has been placed in this post, I can count that time as "sermon prep" or "educational research" and therfore not a day off) This ride is best experienced at night when you feel like you are in space shooting down to the concrete world below at 1000 mph with only a metal shoulder restraint and the promise of some ride design engineer in Uzbekistan keeping you from certain death. I find this ride reminds me of my relationship with my wife. (I cannot elaborate on that one here)

I also connected with the youth some more. In fact, a lot. At least from my perspective. I was able to listen to them in their environment. Not that they are subjects in a lab, but amusment parks are meant for the young. They were excited, they were scared, they were tired, and they felt free. A couple of the guys asked me about being married and picking up girls and that sort of thing. I was honest about my extreme limited experience, but also honest about my relationship with my wife (excluding metal and engineers, of course) and why our relationship works. Then they proceeded to tell me about thier experiences. The two main things I got from their stories are 1. I am woefully underexperienced compared to these kids, and 2. They are normal guys going through normal things that don't feel normal to them right now. One was actually worred that if he "went too far" on a date that he was going to hell. I told him that there were a lot worse things in life that are more "wrong" than getting to third base. But also told him that unlike sex in my day, it can kill you now. I guess it all comes down to making good and safe choices.

Ok, I have rambled, and it just does not flow like a blog I enjoy reading. I will work on that but I am afraid I have a ways to go. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.

Austin Powers and the Unforgivable Sin

2005-06-06T14:15:00.000-04:00

For reasons unknown to me at this time, I was asked no less than three times in the past three days about the unforgivable sin. I have always had my own ideas about what that is and the best way I can describe it is "intolerance of intolerance." The best way this was portrayed in the past, that I can think of, was in the movies Austin Powers: Goldmember....

Austin and his dad, played by Michale Caine, were schmoozing with some babes in what turned out to be a trap by Goldmember. As the chick laden room turned around to reveal the evil Goldmember gloating that he had finally caught up with the superspy dual, Michael Caine's character personified the unforgivable sin with the following dialog.

"Goldmember. You know, I hate you for two reasons. The first one is that you are intolerant of cultures other than your own."

Goldmember: "And the second?"

"You're Dutch!"

You see, that is it in a nutshell. The ultimate hypocracy! To me that is the unforgivable sin. To hate someone because they hate someone. Granted, that leaves a lot of things to be considered. Is it ok to hate someone as long as they don't hate someone else...can you hate them for reasons other than hatred of someone else? For myself, I cannot stand the Mormans. But I do not despise them because they hate me, or hate others for reasons they themselves are hated. So my hatred of them might be considered a forgivable sin.

The other is that I am sure somewhere along the line, we are all guilty of my version of the unforgivable sin. My only hope is that I recognize it and therefore am able to see how wrong I am for hating people for how wrong they are. It is a humbling experience to proscribe something on someone that I find in myself. But maybe the reason I hate the haters is because I see that quality in me. Either way, I am rather screwed. But that is where Christ comes in. Truth be told, I don't believe in the "unforgivable sin." God's love and grace overcome everything...including me.

So little to do, so much time to do it in.

2005-05-31T12:02:00.000-04:00

Wait, scratch that, reverse it.
My in-laws are in town and to date, it has actually been a pleasant visit. Yesterday we ate well, we drank well, and we listened to music. All seems to be going well. But taking yesterday off has put me behind. At least in my mind. Truth is, there is less to do now that the summer is here and I have 4 less classes to prepare weekly for. I could ramp up my visiting schedule and actually prepare all of that stuff I have been wanting to do for a long time. I plan on doing all of that but I need some down time.

I do have a plan for this week, outside of the normal ordinary church stuff. And verily I say unto you, I will, for mental stability and sake of the Lord God Almighty remove the butt-ugliest wallpaper from my church office! It is a nasty mixture of green, red, and antique oriental eggshall (read: off white) plad that ever came upon the face of the earth. And the worse part is, whoever put this wallpaper up did NOT get the lines to match between the rolls. Therefore, it is a constant headache to look at. I have waited this long because the person in the congreagation who put it up is still around. Since they have not yet passed away, then I will just say that enough is enough! God be at my back!

I have missed out on a family trip today to Niagra Falls all in the name of the Lord. Then again, it is just a bunch of water falling off some big rocks. I will survive.

Inspiring Words!

2005-05-27T07:29:00.000-04:00

Yeah....today, I got nothing.

Sad, it is. Depressed, I am

2005-05-25T07:04:00.000-04:00

I am a bit of a paradox in my world. I considered myself very liberal when it came to theological issues and actually conservative on political issues. As a friend put it to me once, "I don't know how you can live your life that way." Now, for the most part because of two specific friends (one being the husband of the person who made the previous comment) I am calling myself a recovering Republican. I still hold to some ideals of the party, but cannot stand the war, the messing with social services and now, the evilest of the evil, using the church to get what they want.

I am realizing how fortunate I am to have a good pericope group. They are a wonderful bunch of old farts and neuvogospel reactionaries. But they are also smart and for the most part, pretty liberal. And if not, they can truly hold a decent converstaion on why they feel they way they do. Well, yesterday, as they were talking, it hit me. Like the revalation I got from Grover's Corners blog, I came to another understanding about what was going on in this evil empire of rightwing and religious.

Someone asked why they right wing wackos and evangelical/pentecostal churches are growing. I thought of a specific person (which I will not name due to the fact that someone somewhere might actually read this) and it dawned on my why they like the evangelicals. And it is to simple. THEY ARE NOT HOMOSEXUAL! Okay, follow me on this one. This person does not really feed the poor. This person really does not clothe the naked. In fact, this person does not love their neighbor. That makes them less than the ideal Christian, right??? BUT the so-called evangelical "Christians" don't care to preach and teach about that stuff. All they are worried about is if you are gay or not. So the reason this specific person flocks to the evangelicals is because they can think to themselves, "Hey, I am not a homosexual, the church says homosexuality is bad, therefore, I am not bad!" It is a way for them to live with themselves without feeling guilty that they have no intention of loving their neighbor! I started tearing up. Is this on purpose? Are the evangelicals doing this to attract members because they think it is the "right" thing to do or are they doing it to sell crappy unforgivable "purpose" books and make lots of money?

Are people really that desparate to believe they are not bad? Are people really looking for an easy way out of guilt that they can just sit around watching crappy television and not care about their neighbor? Are people really that stupid?

I need coffee.

Lost, God's Creation and XXX Rated movies

2005-05-23T09:25:00.000-04:00

Our youth group had its picnic yesterday at a rather state park in the middle of town. We played kickball (I made 7 outs and 2 runs), threw a frisbee thing that was really cool, and went hiking. I had yet to go to this park so I was lost from the moment I got there, but the kids all knew where they were so I put my trust in them. That was dumb. We hiked to the crick (that is what they call a creek here) and to a waterfall and then decided it was late and it looked like rain so we were going to head back. The problem was that no one really knew where "back" was so we just kept trying different trails hoping that it would lead around to our cars and our badly needed soda as we were thirsty and did not want to drink from the crick that smelled like fish pee.

Now, if you were to look at this park on a map, as I did when I got home, it is shaped like a big letter I. No looped trails, no way of knowing exactly where you are unless you mark the trees. We saw a sign that said "You are on Trail 6" but that did very little to help us, as we did not know there were numbered trails in the first place. Despite being tired and now soaking we because the rain did indeed come, we had a blast. It really is an impressive display of God's creation (which for you out there that follow the RCL, you know that the first text was Gen. 1...the first account of creation) so the moment was not lost on us. However...

About an hour past the time we were supposed to be back at church for parents to pick up their younglings, we realized that if we did not get out of the woods, we would end up in West Virgina or something. The first road we found, we stepped up to it and started walking. We found a house where people were out in their front yard planting flowers (yes, in the rain, they were weird) and asked them where we were. They laughed. But, they also told us the way back. We were about 7 miles from our cars.

We figured the safest and quickes way was to just walk the roads back to the entrance of the park because getting back into the woods would have meant drinking fish pee water and being lost way past dark. As we followed the roads, we realized where we were and started to huddle in a group. It was the bad part of town. The really, really bad part of town. Now we understood why those people laughed. On our way, we passed the "Foster" movie house which is known state-wide for the nastiest movies available. The people coming in and out of it were indeed God's children, but that did little to comfort us knowing what they were doing inside there. I thought this to be a teaching moment. We saw the best and the worst of God's creation within just a few hours. Now, dont get me wrong, I am not saying that all xxx movies and people who watch them are the worst of God's creation, but going from the most impressive trees and cricks to the seedy ghetto shows what can be done with what we are given. It was a reality check of God's creation and humans ability to change it. The boys and I readily agreed that to get the full experience, we needed to see for ourselves what the seedy part of creation looks like and see one of the aformentioned films. The other group leader did not agree.

We walked to our cars.

The drive back to church was rather quiet, as we were trying to dry out and replenish the fluids in side us. And much to my amazement, each of the kids said that was one of the best youth activies they had ever done. Go figure.

The Force was with us...

2005-05-21T22:03:00.000-04:00

My oldest son and I bit the bullet, put on the blinders, and drank the koolaid. That is the only way to enjoy the Revenge of the Sith. It is not a masterpiece of cinematic joy and drama...it is Star Wars! You either like it or you dont. There really is not much inbetween. The effects were amazing to the point I can no longer tell computers from real humans. If fact, in this movie, the computers acted better (If I am right on who was real and who was not) than the "humans."

I have always and still do want a lightsaber. It would come in so handy in so many situations. Even a few church related ones. I am quite sure it could light candles in an emergency situation or open cans/bottles and most certainly would warm my coffee. Just put that blade in the cup for 2 seconds and there you have it, very hot coffee! I want a flying car and I also want to be able to warp far away on my day off. Some place no phone or holographic imager could reach me. It is a fantasy escape for 2 and 1/2 hours if you like that sort of thing. The only thing that did not sit right with me was the character that played Darth Vader. He was acting way better than the last movie, but he is still to preppy or something to actually be scary, in our out of the black costume. It just did not feel right. Though, it was cool seeing his legs get cut off and him being set on fire. Again, if you like that sort of thing.

Well, tomorrow is Holy Trinity Sunday. I finised my sermon a couple of hours ago but am not entirely sure I like it. My idea is fantastic (as all of them are, of course ;-)) but I don't feel I presented it as well as I could. I might wake up at 3am and retype part of it as I have been know to do before, but I am also tired of thinking about it. Basically, the Matthew text tells us that God is with us all the time and in all places, and that we are to baptize and teach in God's name because....mostly...WE ARE NOT GOD! God is God and we are not. We are not trinitarian in nature, we cannot create, redeem, or sustain and we cannot live out Christ's two commandment without God's help. Therefore, we should be thankful that God is God and we are not. We could not handle it anyway.

A movie and a sermon, both probably technecally good, but just something does not feel right...

Struggling with technology and myself

2005-05-20T09:20:00.000-04:00

Well, for some reason, the phone pic thing did not work. So much for candid shots of things that might shock the average person.

There are times when I have to sit back and look at what I have been doing with my time and my calling, and this is one of those times. I was hoping that it would not be so soon after getting here, but I am wondering if they just come when they come. Here is the deal...I have not been feeling "real" lately. I have realized that I am wasting my time in the office doing little shit that needs to be done but putting way too much emphasis on stuff that simply does not matter all that much. I have a feeling that if I didn't show up at the office, not much would change and not a whole lot of people would notice. That is an extremely scary thought. Not that I want to make myself indispensable, and not that it is all about me. Why am I not doing more?

Part of the reason...The West Wing.

For some strange and embarrassing reason, when I watch reruns of the West Wing, I feel 100x more productive, and I have not been watching the reruns like I used to. There is something about the show that makes my blood flow faster. More than anything, it is the music and the attitude that the characters (yes, I realize that it is a TOTALLY fictional world and there are very gifted writers creating and manipulating my mind) is "just do it, just get it done" that helps so much. Why worry about every little thing when you should just do what you believe to be right. It is a reminder to me to get more "real." Fortunately, God has seen fit to have an entire week of West Wing on Bravo, day and night, to get me on the right track.

One of the things that I was wanting to do, I have now started the ball rolling. I call it Triple P. Yes, it is a stupid name, but people will remember it. It is Pizza with Pastor Paul. I plan on having a pizza dinner at church for about 20-25 members at a time, spread out over about two months. The agenda, you ask? Listening. I want to ask questions about perceptions of the church, where we are going, where we need to get away from, and general feelings. It is a chance for me to be real with a bunch of real folks. I will pick the families that will eat together, making sure that certain people are NOT with certain other people, so they feel more free to talk. Also, the kids HAVE to come. This is something that I am truly excited about!

Ok, this is all strangely therapeutic. I have no idea if it flows, but damn, my head is clearer.

A bit of explaination here.

2005-05-19T12:19:00.000-04:00

Anyone that knows me knows that I am not exactly the best youth mentor/leader in the world. Kids rather scare me. Any type of relationship with the youth (specifically in the church) is nothing more or less than a gift from the Almighty Youth God. As it would seem, I think that the kids I know have gotten to me, endeared themselves to me, and have given me a name they could live with. They did not want to call me "Pastor" because I don't look old enough to be called one (so they say) and they cannot just call me by my first name "Paul." The two together, Pastor Paul just sounds hokey. So, they dubbed me DoubleP. Strangely, I like it. It has stuck and they even made a sign on my office door that reads "DoubleP in Da Mornin" because...well, I am not sure why the "in Da Mornin" part but hey, I will take it. I use it as my blog name as a term of endearment. Plus it is the only "catchy" thing that I have ever been called.

I have just found out that I can send pics to this blog from my cellphone so I am gonna try that to see if it really is a reality. More to come?

Something new...

2005-05-19T11:39:00.000-04:00

Frankly, I was going to wait, but now I have to create one of these so that I can comment on a friends blog. I wish him nothing but the best success and hope that he gives me words of wisdom. I have to be honest, I am not sure how much I will actually blog, so right now, I am not going to worry about it.